Sophie (Ruby Barnhill) is a lonely, insomniac orphan. Awake far too late for a little girl, she spies a giant (Mark Rylance) roaming the streets. He, in return, sees her, and kidnaps her so she canât tell anyone, taking her back to Giantland. Quickly it is revealed that he is a kindly giant who delivers dreams, surrounded by nine much larger, cruel and stupid child-eating giants.
The BFG was a surprise failure. With Steven Spielberg at the helm, a script based on a book by Roald Dahl (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), and the very latest and greatest in motion capture effects, it was a license to print money. Or not. Poor marketing and bad timing (the film had been in the planning stages for years) were mainly to blame, though children shrugged through screenings and parents found more to admire than enjoy. The BFG is at times wondrous, but just as often infuriating, and the whole is lacking.
The BFG could and should have been a clever family film, but it is instead a childrenâs movie, in the worst sense of the term. Everything is simple and blatant. Quips and loud music replace earned emotion, and bright flashy colors are meant to distract the short-attention-span viewer. Plot doesnât pop up till the last third and substantial time is set aside for a reoccurring flatulence joke. Its messages that âbullying is meanâ and âstand up to bulliesââright out of the 1950sâare delivered with all the subtlety of a tuba blast with your face in the bell.
Children deserve better. Families deserve a different movie.
Thereâs no question The BFG is a superb technical achievement. In a normal year Iâd say it was a shoo-in for an FX award for its motion capture CGI work. But this is the year of the âlive actionâ Jungle Book and the return of Governor Tarkin, which makes it a year too late. Still, the work is excellent, and the dream-catching scene is particularly fetching. But it is all to no purpose. Weâre shown Giantland purely because it is nice to look at. With no story kicking in until the final moments, itâs all just pretty lights.
Ruby Barnhill is cute and spunky enough, but her Sophie is aimless and annoying. Ignoring danger and suicidal leaps to get attention are not adorable. Some âsmartâ to go with the spunky would have helped. The giant is nicely constructed and Rylanceâs voice work is solid, but he isnât engaging and is a side-kick in search of a protagonist who never arrives.
There is some nice concepts surrounding dreams that could have been the core of a better film. But those nice concepts, instead of helping, just point out where the film didnât go and how it failed.
Perhaps someone should have informed the filmmakers that since the childrenâs book was written, âBFGâ has picked up a meaning: Big Fucking Gun. But blindness to the last twenty years could explain the whole movie.
The second screen adaptation of Batman, this follow-up to the â43 serial is a very different critter and far more like the comics than the first. This is action and adventure, played straight. Batman is no longer a government agent (Yup, thatâs what he was in â43), but the mysterious crime fighter we all know. There is no connection between the two serials, which seemed like it was for the best as the former could be embarrassing. That said, I found some enjoyment in watching The Batman ’43 while I was only bored with this one.
The only positive thing I can say about his costume is that it is a big step up from the â43 version. Itâs still embarrassing. Apparently realizing this, both Batman and Robin tend to stand so that the more ridiculous aspects of their clothing are covered by their capes.
Pattinson starts at a disadvantage as 
As for Bruce Wayne, there is no Bruce Wayne. It’s not even that Pattinson’s Wayne is the same as his Batman. There is simply no Wayne at all.
Joel Schumacher started with Burtonâs gothic world, and then just screwed it all up. Sometimes it is hard to tell what is wrong, besides everything, and that includes Batman. Kilmer had a spotty career before becoming the Dark Knight and a disastrous one after. He brings his good looks to the role and little else. Kilmerâs Batman isnât fully camp, just enough not to be taken seriously while not enough to be any fun. This Batman isnât deep, isnât haunted, isnât meaningful, isnât silly, and isnât a bad joke. He isnât anything. Heâs slicker than Keatonâsâmore poised. He is in control of himself. And heâs barely noticeable.
His Bruce Wayne is pretty much the same as his Batman, which is to say, generic. He edges more toward smarmy, which isnât terrible for Wayne, but is yet another reason not to care about him.
Wilson was the very first Batman in a 1943 serial. For ranking, he isnât in a fair competition. Cash was not lavished on the production, which is evident in every frame. Itâs no surprise that the effects are lacking in those pre-computer times, but they were capable of costume design in 1943. I suspect little money was allocated, giving us the worst batsuit.
As The Batman (it is âThe Batman,â not âBatmanâ), heâs brave, noble, and manly, if perhaps lacking the physique weâve become used to. A few weeks in the gym, or a costume that lifted and compressed would have elevated Wilson. As Bruce Wayne, he looks good, but not so much as Batman.
Clooneyâs Batman finished the transition from the complicated, gothic character Tim Burton had given us to full-on camp. It is a much lesser Batman, but at least it is fully something, even if that something isnât particularly good. Watching Batman & Robin is like watching the old TV show done with a pile of cash, updated FX, and less artistry. It doesnât reach the level of fun of the TV show, lacking its wit and understand of the material, nor does Clooney reach the level of that Batman. Heâs helped by little. The script is weak, Robin is terrible, the subplot of antagonism between him and Robin make him out as a bit of a jerk, and heâs got the silliest suit of the feature films. I donât even mind the Bat-nipples, not when thereâs the spiky Bat-ears to consider. He does have a good Alfred and I find Alicia Silverstone adorable, so that’s a little help. This is a childrenâs Batman for a childrenâs movie.
I have to assume Bruceâs neighbors get up each day and put on their ferret outfits before going to work.
Poor Ben. He didn’t have a chance. It is hard to say what’s right and wrong with his portrayal as it is so inconsistent, due to no fault of his own. Zach Snyder wanted a worn and gritty Batman who might get raped in prison (yeah, he said that). Warner Bros wanted a Batman that would sell tickets. Affleck wanted not to be embarrassed. Well, it looks like no one got what they wanted.
His fighting skills are a mixed bag as they are so obviously computer enhanced. I like CGI, but mainly if I canât tell it is CGI. Even with the post production polish, heâs a reasonably exciting Batman to watch in a fight, though there’s no real wow factor.
Many choose The Dark Knight as the best Batman film, but Bale rarely ranks so high. The three Nolan films work based on the larger twisting structure and themes more than Batman himself. Baleâs Bruce Wayne is generally considered a good one, but his suited Dark Knight ranks lower. Partly thatâs due to his sanity. Heâs too in control. But mainly it is his voice, and that flaw falls on Nolan. Instead of the roughness Keaton added when fighting crime, Bale goes for full on cancer-voice. Itâs a cross between unintelligible and laughable. And it only got worse in the second film when Nolan decided to tweak it beyond human capability in post production. Kevin Conroy, the voice of the animated Batman, stated that the voice was ridiculous and Bale needed to stop doing itâif anyone should know, it is Conroy. It was a running joke in The Lego Movie, whose Batman would rate very high on my list if I was including animated films.
I rank Batmans/Waynes on their entire personalities, including what they likeâthat means their relationships count. And Baleâs Wayne has the worst taste in women. If there is one consensus amongst fans, it is that Rachel is terrible. Much of that comes from the primitive acting talents of Katie Holmes (Maggie Gyllenhaal was better when she took over, but better does not mean good; Nolan is notorious for his inability to direct female characters), but whatever the cause, his dating life is not a plus.
If you are going to go camp, go all the way. Adam West is the most earnest Batman in the silliest of settings and that makes it all OK. His voice alone elevates him above the also-rans below. Heâs a comedy Batman who never acknowledges the joke, but lives it. Not everyone wants a pure, virtuous, noble, unshakeable, always calm, kindly, polite Batman, but if you do, hereâs your guy.
Similarly to the Schumacher-verse, the world of this Batman is one where dressing up like a bat or bird or any kind of cosplay is just normal behavior. He doesn’t have to explain why he dresses as he does. You have to explain why you don’t.
It shouldnât be a surprise who tops the list. In the great Batmen debates of the last twenty years, Keaton usually comes out first and I canât imagine that Affleck will change that.
Sometimes the phrase âgritty realismâ is brought up around the Bale Batman, but it is always inaccurate. Keatonâs Batman is by far the most realistic. As an actor, he has a talent of being an every man. Heâs someone you can imagine seeing at the grocery story. But at the same time, he can embody insanity, a lack of control, and a ruthless dedication. That is Batman.
Eugie would be amused today. We had a rule in our house: Don’t hurt the spider people. Yes, Eugie called them spider people. Our home was not only a no kill zone for spiders, it was a “don’t touch them and let them have their own home in our home” zone. (This was brought into question when we got Hobkin, as he did not live by the same rules and thought spiders were delicious.) Part of this came from both of our tendencies not to kill things just for the hell of it, but much of it dates to our old home.
Iâm a movie guy. I write reviews, run a film festival, speak on film panels, and have been a judge at numerous other fests. So the Dramatic Presentation Hugo categories are my thing. They shouldnât be entirely, as far more is allowed than movies and TV episodes, but it is rare for anything else to show up. So OK, letâs deal with those two categories.